I am 44 or thereabouts, living in Kent, avoiding driving on motorways 'cos the world's gone mad but I love country lanes, very proud of my son who's gonna out-boogie you Jools Holland, very wary of builders, dogs and low ceilings, desperate to live by the sea (come on, Lottery). 

I am not happy about running out of loo roll ever, keen on swimming in the sea (I just need to look at it for hours), about to cut up celery for anyone, able to tolerate poo in any form without coming over all vomity, going to look after your begonias when you go holiday (however I will do guinea pigs - just thought I'd slip that in to reassure the Slade Hog Holiday Management Association). 

I work - I have a proper bill-paying job too, although it would be bliss to be able to give this up and be creative ALL the time instead, one way or another. I dream....

I dream of living in my cottage by the sea within staggering distance of a fine public house (a moonlit walk home along the beach after an ale or two would be perfect), sculpting elves and eating cheese sandwiches (best mature cheddar with flowerpot bread, please).

Jack x